WE DOING CRIMINAL DEEDS AND EVIL ACTS
This was an interesting read. Surprisingly nonpreachy given the subject; and well worth the time.
This is oaywalled but it made me weep with relief to see an honest recounting for once, so I’ve saved some good bits:
shit i’ve heard chemistry majors say
- *student in a lab coat, cutting in the cafeteria line* YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I DON’T HAVE A LOT OF TIME MY EXPERIMENT IS GOING TO CATCH FIREEEE
- *loud pop*
student, in very calm voice: well that was painful
- lab assistant, seeing me frantically pulling on gloves: oh no. what did you do now
- professor: come on guys, don’t hate on social sciences majors… it’s not their fault they were born this way
- so i was grading your tests last night. i wanted to kill someone.
- you have five minutes until the end of class to finish the test. but i want to go outside for a smoke, so three
- *section of lab report titled “applications of compound”* i heard that a drug cartel used it to dissolve bodies, should i list that?
- “i’m synthesizing this compound in my next lab class, what kind of stuff effects the success rate and yield?” “dunno man, it depends on your karma”
- based on my recent lab assignments, i have come to the conclusion that the professor wants me to get killed
- dude, Fehling’s solution contains glucose, what if it tastes like lemonade?
*proceeds to dip finger in and lick it*
well that was a disappointment. the potassium hydroxide makes it kinda bitter.
- professor: you’ll understand this concept in your fifth year
student: sir, this is a four-year program
professor: oh, then never
I feel like some people need to relearn Genre Expectations... "Man, this tragedy sucks!!! Why didn't they just do XYZ, then everything could have ended happily!!" well, then it wouldn't be a tragedy, would it. "Man, this lighthearted teen romcom is terrible, it's so sappy and unrealistic!!" Well, yeah. If it had been gritty and dark, it wouldn't have been a lighthearted romcom, would it. Is the writing actually bad or are you just trying to order a milkshake from a Home Depot
Watching Home Alone is so funny it’s like
Kevin’s mom: *hyperventilating into a paper bag* I can’t believe I left my son home alone, he has to be so terrified, my poor baby boy all alone I need to go get him-
Kevin: *actively planning to commit war crimes*
There are, at every turn, adults trying to help Kevin. He is not trapped in that house, he goes shopping like three times. He convinces the pizza delivery guy that there’s an old guy there trying to murder him. Kevin knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing and what he is doing is psychological warfare
Petition to make Home Alone a PG-13 movie at LEAST so the Wet Bandits can call Kevin a little shit on-screen
Actually no. Rated R. I want to watch Kevin kill a man
It started out as a random burglary but the SECOND Kevin shot that dude in the dick it became personal
I just realized that like. Until the end of the movie Kevin never figured out his family straight up forgot him at home. He truly thought he had fucking magicked them away with his wish that night and that he had magic powers. No wonder the kid was so full of hubris with those robbers he had the power of God and Santa on his side
Okay movie’s over. I have unironically and genuinely come to the conclusion that Kevin is a child prodigy and will possibly the most intelligent person on the planet once he’s full grown. Not only is he able to outsmart the Wet Bandits (great name), he outmaneuvers the police, shoplifts at least once, and rigs up multiple contraptions including a fake house party, a get-chickened fan+feather combo, and a homemade door-activated flamethrower. He does this all while convincing everybody that he’s just a tiny helpless kid.
In fact, at the beginning of the movie, Kevin has his entire extended family convinced he’s so helpless he can’t even pack a suitcase. I bet him attacking Bud and getting sent to his room early was a ploy to keep from having to share the bed with his bed-wetting cousin. At the end of the movie, one of his cousins says something like “Kevin went shopping? He can’t even tie his shoelaces!” This kid is playing his entire family like puppets and they have no idea
Like hell it does, that is reads like a 6k post at best. There’s no bit, no clown to gang up on. This post plays into the website’s deep appreciation of Kevin McAllister and his sadism but that can only take us so far. Study tumblr theory and come back to be the clown this post will ride to 40k if you truly want to bring us to victory. And also me to deep shame for having a viral post about Kevin fucking McAllister
Watching you suspiciously. Have I made myself the clown of the post again I cannot be three for three on this dude
Hey what are you doing. Hey.
Heritage Post
THIS POST HAS BEEN AROUND LESS THAN TWENTY FOUR HOURS
GET THEIR ASS
First time posting my knitting to tumblr. Look at my Bug Son
He's just a baby boy...!
That is my bug daughter’s father
